Photogenix.

Right now the college lecturers are on strike due to their underpaid status. Other colleges are paying their lecturers more for doing a similar job (potentially to a poorer standard as well.), so the EIS has initiated industrial action in order to send a clear message to the powers that be. I can understand this, of course; if I were a lecturer and was being paid less to do the same job as someone who was being paid better – I’d be pissed, naturally. But what I can’t accept is that all this ‘industrial action’ appears to be at the expense of my education, and others in my position. Classes are being cancelled left, right and center in order to send this message to the people in control. This is the last 12 weeks of my course, ever. It’s integral to my final grade and it feels as though the lecturers are willing to jeapordise my education and potential future, to fulfill their personal gains. This, I’m not happy about. Obviously there’s the viewpoint that if I want to pass this course I’ll put the work in, and essentially it’s always just going to be down to how much effort I put into what I’m doing, but we need guidance, tuition and some kind of restrictions. I’ve been in the Glasgow Met for 3 years now, and not one year has gone by without some drama or other that has risked my grades, and my success with the course. It’s grating, because the course itself has such potential to be absolutely fantastic; and don’t get me wrong, it has been at times. There’s just a lack of organization within the facility, which leads to a distinct lack of consistency. I’m just a student, the best I can do is voice my opinions – I can’t change anything. I can’t lead their strike and fight for their rights, nor can I sub them the wages they feel they’re losing out on. I just have these. My words, my thoughts and my opinions. I can only hope it makes a difference to someone, or makes someone realise something along the way.

I’m once again, sitting in dino’s in a state of mild confusion about where I stand. I suppose that’s why I find this place so comforting. I come here in moments of mild turmoil and end up feeling much better (if a little poorer.). It’s funny how human nature dictates to us that we have areas of self-preservation amidst the hubbub of modern day society. Everyone has somewhere different, and for entirely different reasons. Some have their own personal space, where they sleep and live and feel comfortable. I can’t wait until I can feel comfortable in my own space – I don’t know why I don’t at the moment. Possibly a coupling of the claustrophobic design of my house, with the constant knowledge that I’m miles from anywhere when I’m there. So, as a result, my places of comfort are places people wouldn’t expect. I like my own space, my own headspace, time to think and time to just merely exist. Listen to a few good songs and think about everything I am. There are a couple of places I use for this purpose. Dino’s being one, for when I need to be around people but not necessarily interacting with them on a personal level. Another is the first few miles of the West Highland Way, out to Dumgoyne and back. Such perfect solitude on a nice day, there’s no better thing than standing on a hill before a gaping valley with a light breeze against your face and the best song in the world blaring through your headphones. For me, there’s a certain element of adrenaline that kicks in when I see these beautiful things, a feeling of distinctive miniaturism in comparison to my surroundings. I feel amazingly small and insignificant. Who’d have thought that insignificance could be a good feeling? I suppose it depends entirely on the context of the insignificance.

I’m going to start writing again. I lost all my work of Careless Feet, hopefully some of it will be recovered somehow (fingers crossed, even though it wasn’t that good, or that much.). So I think I’m going to start a new book, I have a few ideas in my head about what it could be about but more than anything I’m just going to write and let it develop as it flows out my fingertips. That’s what I tend to do with everything, and it’s worked alright so far so I must be doing something right somewhere. Who knows. It could flop, terribly, but it’s worth a shot. I refuse flat-out to be a wageslave for my whole life. I couldn’t do that to myself, my nature wouldn’t allow it to come to pass. There’s something about being a wageslave that just wouldn’t fit with my personality. It would stifle it, it already has. Luckily I got out. I’m just lucky that I’m not financially obsessed. I like my lifestyle (which if I say so myself, is quite.. elaborate.) and wouldn’t want it to change for anything. I like the amount of time I have, and the few responsibilities I have. I know it’s immature to say that I don’t want that to change, I know it’s also probably pretty selfish – but who are you to judge? If it takes me years, I’ll achieve my very own nirvana.

Talking of responsibilities, Laura mentioned to me the other day a conversation her and Debbie had had about me. About how I have a lot fewer responsibilities to other people than Laura does. It got me to thinking about why that is right, because it is pretty correct. A solitary attitude is a hard thing to break, and a harder thing to remove. I have a responsibility to my own thoughts, and to keep thinking about them else they’ll go stale and be forgotten. To me, the threat of that is as bad as the threat of losing someone important to you by one means or another. I have a responsibility to Laura, to be good to her and treat her right as her boyfriend. I have a responsibility to my Dad, I feel. Our relationship is complex and somewhat difficult to explain. Either way, he’s a very good friend and father-figure in my life, I owe him the responsibility I feel to him as his son. Oddly enough, I don’t feel the same towards my Mum and Sister (In no negative manner.), simply due to the fact that they lead very different and seperate lives to my Dad and I now. I suppose it’s protectiveness, but I wouldn’t like to admit it as being that. Other than that, I have my friends who know who they are – But they also know where they stand with me. I try my best to commit time to them, to be there for them and to be as understanding and compassionate as I can possibly be, but it’s not something that I feel is an obligation. I do it because I want to. Not saying that my prior responsibilities are obligatory and that I do them because I have to, that’s far from the case. I want to have that responsibility, if I didn’t want to I wouldn’t. That’s a bit of a headwreck, I’m aware. I can’t explain it much better than that though, in all honesty.

I think this is the most writing I’ve ever done for this blog, I’m also aware of the lack of photography – Given that this is more a blog for my photography it’s quite ironic that the last three posts have been solid walls of text. This is due to technical problems at the moment, and no photoshop. I’ll get it sorted out, and I have some film to develop so maybe some scans will be up soon too. Congratulations if you read all this.